The Catholic Letter

Catholic Comedy

You Know you Grew Up in a Traditional Catholic Family When:

  • Whenever a kid complains about an ache or pain, you tell them to ‘offer it up’
  • You push in front of people to get to the dinner table before others (while there’s still food left)
  • You always try to sit towards the back of a crowded room
  • You still feel guilty for eating candy during lent…but feel fine when gorging yourself on candy any other time of the year
  • When you say the Hail Mary, you say “blessed art thou” instead of “blessed are you”
  • You know of only two religions: Catholic and Non-Catholic
  • You refer to a preacher’s sermon as a homily
  • You get into intense arguments with your siblings (or anyone) but aren’t angry at them three minutes later
  • You don’t understand why nuns are often portrayed as mean old hags
  • You automatically stand up when you hear the words “peace be with you”
  • You cook huge meals even when only a few people are eating
  • In one of your rooms, you have a picture of the Sacred Heart
  • You have old palms stuffed behind that picture
  • You know the confession times for all the local churches
  • You’re uncomfortable when people talk about their ‘feelings’
  • You’re able to kneel up straight for more than ten minutes
  • You’ve never been afraid of any verbal confrontation
  • When someone announces a pregnancy, you say, “congratulations!”